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Holiday Cards!

Ahh! So! I was reminded today that holiday card season is about to start, and the only thing I love more than GETTING holiday cards is sending them!

So, if you're so inclined please send me your name, address and holiday of preference in a message, screened reply or email and I will add you to my list for this year. I promise to never use your info for evil, and will delete your info after the holidays if you want me to.

I really so love sending cards though, so indulge me? I also like getting them, so if you'd like my info in return please let me know! I'm pretty protective of my real life info on the internet because of my job, but if I recognise your URL (and I recognize ALL the people I follow at this point) I will reciprocate!

So let's get this holiday cheer train started! :D

Sep. 22nd, 2012

So for today and tomorrow I am officially unemployed before new job starts Monday.  I decided to try and make my weekend relaxing yet productive, so I get up the same time as the roommate and cooked us both breakfast sandwiches and coffee before sending him off to work...

And now I am so tired I want to go back to bed.  D:  WHY.  

Still on the list for today:

  • Hem and take in tent-like scrubs in the hope of NOT looking like a potato at work.
  • Prepare all supplies and paperwork for first day of orientation on Monday.
  • ...dye hair?  Still on the fence about this.

Right now though I think I am going to go soak all the breakfast dishes and settle under my napping blanket for a morning doze while I watch some SPN.  Maybe if I can get a load of laundry in to wash before I doze I can get moving but UGH.  I thought coffee was supposed to be a stimulant but I think my cup was defective.

So yesterday I found out officially that I got the Emergency Department RN job. Gonna be an ER nurse and a huge, busy hospital! I have 6 months (at least) of training and orientation to look forward to and I'm kinda terrified but I'm also really really excited because this is all I ever wanted to do (well, this OR, and psych, in that order) ever since I had my first ED clinical.

I'm super excited because I got my dream job, I get to leave a job I strongly dislike and I don't have to spend a year plus as a med/surg or critical care nurse in order to get to do what I really want to do in the ER.

Today I spent most of the late morning/early afternoon making phonecalls for Occ Health and HR appointments and picking up my health records from my current job in order to minimize how much blood I need to have taken for titers and such. Woo!

My start date is Sept. 24th, so I just have one more month as an aid. This couldn't have ome at a better time, both for my finances and my mental health. I'm nervous but I'm also really excited. I can DO this -- it's what I've wanted more than anything else.

I'll be sure and let you know how it all goes!
Hello LJ.

I'm still alive.

Uhm. I think I sort of hate the hospital where I work and no longer want to upgrade to an RN job there.

On the upside, I have an interview for my dream job on the 30th. In Reading, which is an hour commute. But people do crazier things for love and passion, right?

Loans are deferred. Other bills are getting paid. I'm living hand to mouth and paycheck to paycheck but at least I'm still living.

My roommate is lovely and hugs me lots and doesn't object when I poke him incessantly or pinch his arse. I will miss him when he goes travelling in August. But he'll be back in between gigs, so it won't be so bad. Especially if I am orienting at dream job (fingers crossed, please).

Life continues. I'm still figuring shit out. At 31 this isn't where I thought I'd be, but it's all right. There are still good days to go with the bad ones, and hope to balance out the doubt and misery, so I'm getting by. I'd be lying if I said I couldn't do with a bit more luck my way, but I make do. I haven't forgotten how to laugh or smile, and I try to do each at least once a day. There are moments of gratitude.

I have hope that soon it will be my turn. Soon.

So. How're you?

May. 4th, 2012

Things That Have Gone Right Today:

1) Made perfect omelete.
2) Did not have to put steak knife down garbage disposal (just go with it).

Things That Have Gone Wrong Today:

1) Everything else.

I wish I had a better entry for my first post in over a month but today... this is all I've got.
The weather here for January is being its usually unusual self.

Snow, driving rains, fog, fifty degree temperatures and now 30 mile an hour winds, all in the space of a week.

Just listening to the wind howl made my bones cold, and instead of reaching for my sweatshirt I opted to put the stove on. I'd been out this morning in the humid, nearly sixty degree weather -- a change so sharp that the thermometer in the garage was still reading in the forties and the drastic change as I backed my car out fogged every surface in the car -- including the rearview mirror, dash board and steering wheel.

Pennsylvania. If you don't like the weather wait five minutes.

I decided to see if it was actually cold enough to justify the stove and nearly had the back screen door ripped from its hinges when I opened it. The wind's whipping north to south and any earlier warmth has been easily sliced away.

I stand out there on the deck, bare feet, jeans, tee shirt, contemplating this January as compared to last. The south half of the sky is clear blue with puffy white clouds. The north half is dark gray and menacing. They swirl together in a place that looks like it's right over my head but it could actually be anywhere at all. There's an echo of a memory, of magic and energy and I just stand there, letting the wind buffet me, trying to find the right thread to pull. Something about camping and bonfires and freedom. It slips away too quickly though, and as I emerge from my rummage through memory, I hear the sharp snapping of a tarp in the wind. It interests me because it's a familiar noise, but a mystery. It's a noise I've been hearing for days now but because I can define it, I've written it off -- assigned it a cause and dismissed it.

I'm barefoot and my jeans are too long. The first step onto the grass is icy, and mud and cold water oozes up between my toes, wetting my too-long jeans. My instinct is to draw back -- This is messy, this is pointless, you're going to get muddy and wet, don't do this! -- but I keep walking. Why shouldn't I do this? Is there some law against being muddy and careless? Some law that says whims can only be followed when they are neat, clean and acceptable? This do/don't do tug of war I realise is one of the foundations of my constant inability to act- doing what is acceptable, being afraid of getting cold or wet or dirty just for the sake of curiosity.

God, when did I get so stodgy?

As I walk, I give up quickly on keeping my jeans dry and move from tiptoes to flat feet, rolling each step through the mud until the water pools over my feet and begins to wick up my pant legs. The yard descends in a slope so each step is muddier than the last. I peer at the neighboring houses through the trees, tracking the familiar 'crack crack CRACK' of unsecured plastic in the wind. Finally at the back of the yard in a pool of standing water that was probably ice last night, I see the back neighbors are putting an addition on their cottage. It's half framed and the roof is covered in a ubiquitous blue tarp which has been inexpertly and sloppily secured. Its edges wave at me in the wind, "Hello, hi, so nice to finally see you! I've been calling for ages, just wanted to introduce myself! Such weather, hm? Well, have a nice day!" The wind calms and the edges flutter flush against the roof.

I wiggle my toes in the mud and the water. Ghost white, rich clay brown. I think it's pretty, though I accept I may be the only one to appreciate the contrast or the mess.

I turn to walk back. The wind tugs at me again and I unclip my hair for no reason other than I want to. It's an amateur move -- shampoo commercial stuff -- but feeling my hair float free, whipping to this side and that... it feels strong and good and right. My strides are short but I feel the strength and power in my legs now that I'm no longer afraid of cold water or mud. I cover the distance from the back of the yard to the front suffused with a feeling of self-possession, of ownership not of the ground on which I walk but of the way I choose to walk it -- without fear, without care for a little mess, a little discomfort or uncertainty.

Back inside I slip my jeans off and tiptoe to the bathroom, trying not to leave evidence all over the rugs of my excursion. I'm not sure I could explain the muddy footprints anyway. At least, not in a way that would make sense to anyone except me.

Crossposted from http://pomegranate.dreamwidth.org/2972.html. comment count unavailable comments yon. Replies hither or thither.
I promised that at some point I would talk about my new job, and maybe someday I will talk about it in more detail.

The main gist is, right now, I'm a nurses' aide in a hospital on a pretty busy unit. That means that I am head brief changer, water getter and vital sign taker among other tasks. I'm not a nurse yet, but I'm aiming for it.

The real point of this post, however, is scrubs. You know, those things that doctors are always wearing, that people swear are so comfy, etc. etc.

Well they fucking aren't.

First of all, they're all made of fabric so rough that my skin chafes, especially in cold weather or when I sweat. Which I do while trying to maneuver a 300 lbs. patient safely or hold myself in precarious positions while wearing a plastic gown in a room with the heater going full blast because the diabetics are cold. And it's not the fault of the patients, really -- it's just the way things are.

Second, I am a woman, and I am fat. This means I am shaped in ways that neither women's straight sized nor men's unisex scrubs can account for. Most of my pants are too large in the waist, leading t interesting and embarrassing slippage while being too tight in the thigh, meaning hiking them up and pinning them isn't an option. HATE.

The tops mostly fit, though the ones cut for women are invariably too small in the hips and arms, leading to pinching, squeezing and cursing. The fabric, naturally, has no give.

You know, you'd think one of two things would happen in this situation.

One, makers of scrubs would concede that fat women need certain allowances cut differently in their scrubs. Included in this is the option for plus-sized petite pants, so that my ass can be covered without my pant legs dragging on the ground and in god knows what.

Two, hospitals would allow for garments like sweatpants (or something of similar fabric -- stretchy, soft, comfortable for long shifts and accommodating many body types) and fitted t-shirts in order to ensure maximum staff comfort and maneuverability. Due to the cut of most scrub pants, I cannot crouch all the way to the ground to empty a foley bag -- a motion that is easy in sweats or yoga pants.

I have seriously noticed that I already get enough unwanted attention at my job from men (patients and family both), so it's really NOT about wanting to look better, though the self-esteem boost always adds to my confidence and lessens my anxiety. Really it's about wanting to be able to move freely, bend comfortably and not have my skin rubbed raw because my body doesn't fit the set pattern of "people that wear scrubs" that many manufacturers seem to have -- even between different brands of the same maker!

It's frustrating, it's painful, it's hurtful and I hope I can find a solution (e.g. scrubs that fit) before too long. I mean, because OW, guys. Just OW.

Crossposted from http://pomegranate.dreamwidth.org/2340.html. comment count unavailable comments yon. Replies hither or thither.
Sherlock may well be the thing that pulls me back into fandom. I seriously have LOST THE ABILITY TO CAN, as well as having ALL THE FEELS after last night's season finale. Yes, I have been spending a lot of time on tumblr, why do you ask?

With over a year to wait for Series 3 there is only fandom to keep me afloat. Well, fandom and a lot of UST.

This is why I don't usually watch series' until they're ended and I can mainline multiple seasons all at once in a huge orgy of fanishness. By the time the series ends I'm usually sated and able to move on. This whole "left wanting more" thing is incredibly uncomfortable and I don't like it.
I'm not much for New Years' resolutions. Mostly I think they're crap. But two things that happened recently caused me to make resolutions that coincidentally fell around New Years.

1) Keep growing that backbone. Stand up for yourself and what you know is right and don't let someone bully you into doing things you aren't comfortable doing just to make them happy. Their happiness doesn't matter as much as yours does. Stand up for what you know is right.

2) Read at least 50 books this year. Last year I read 8. Eight. And two of those were since I got my Kindle, between Christmas and the first of the year. I can do better than that. Especially because I am no longer digesting huge chunks of text for school.

Things that remain on the to-do list for 2012:

1) Find job. More on that later after some dust settles.
2) Pass NCLEX. Still waiting on my authorization to test from the state there.
3) Enroll for BSN. Need to take and pass the NCLEX first. I am not nearly as afraid of the BSN. I think it is mostly classroom work and luckily for me I can rock that with my eyes closed.

I feel that list is much shorter and more manageable than my list from before school started. I feel (with some hesitancy, but...) that I might finally have my school/career life under control.

My interpersonal relationships life is a whole 'nother can of worms that I can't open right now.

But two out of three ain't bad.

Dec. 19th, 2011

I PASSED MY NURSING FINAL!!!! After four marathon 8 hour study days, stress, nightmares and general surliness, all my hard work has paid off!

All I have to do it show up for my ATI exam tomorrow and not drool all over the keyboard (i.e. get a few answers right) and I will officially be a graduate nurse!


Ok, today's to-do's include:
1) Celebrate
2) Apply for jobs AS A GRADUATE!
3) Holiday cards, seriously, no, really I HAVE to get this shit done! XD


Absolute last call for holiday card addresses because The Writing is happening this weekend on my study breaks. :)

Screened addresses collection post can be found here.
Dear Generally Nice Nurse at the Red Cross Blood Drive on Tuesday:

I understand that because I am a deathfattie you assume that I MUST have a sky-high blood pressure. I just wish you would have a) asked me what I normally run or b) done a palpable blood pressure on me instead of inflating the cuff well over 200mmHg and causing my so much pain I almost cried. Further, I'm a little concerned that you couldn't hear my BP the first time you tried. That cuff was so tight I think I could hear it without a scope. Finally, when you couldn't hear it the first time, I really wish you would have taken it on the other arm instead of re-taking it in the same arm. Did you not realise that maybe something was wrong when you had to smoosh the bulb against the table to inflate the cuff?

Also, acting surprised when my BP was 142/80? Not very professional. Looking unconvinced when I told you that was a bit high for me (yes, really) doubly so.

Yes, I could have and should have said something, but I didn't. I really feel that you should have known better from the outset.

Not impressed with your bedside manner,
The Fat Nursing Student You Saw On Tuesday

Holiday Cards!

Yes, I know it is not yet (American) Thanksgiving, but I'm trying to get a head start on holiday cards this year!

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the drill. If you would like a holiday card, please leave your address in a comment (screened for your protection). If you have a card preference (funny, pretty, serious, Yule, Christmas, Chanukah, Festivus, etc.) please indicate that as well, otherwise it's my choice! :D Which I promise is not a bad thing. I have been stocking up on cards at Target the past few years during their post-holiday sales, so I'm sure I can find something that I think fits you! *lol*

If you have a holiday card post of your own (I don't think I've seen any yet but you never know!) please point me, because I'd love to be able to fill my mantel and piano this year with cheer from all my internet friends. :)

Jingle Jingle!

Brain Dump

No questions? Not a single one? Oooo-kaaaaaay. /eeyore

I guess my biggest and most pressing question today is whether or not I want to go out and get my hairs did. That is -- thinned and shaped so I am no longer wearing a curly red pyramid on my head. Decisions, decisions...

My ER rotation is over and I applied for some ER/Trauma Tech jobs at Abington and Lansdale, hoping to get a foot in the door for a nursing position post graduation and NCLEX. I hope I hope I hope. I really want to work there. I loved it so much. First clinical rotation (besides psych) that I didn't DREAD.

I'm not talking about the Penn State thing, because I already did that on FB and if I have to rehash it I will flip out and kill shit.

I'm moving soon. Into a condo of my own. Sort of. Weird situation, but the bottom line is that it is cheap and Jeff will be able to live with me and we will have movies nights and poker and gaming and other such things without driving all across three counties to do so. Yay!

Today is the first day in I don't know how long where I don't have a school project or something hanging over my head and I'm mostly alone in the house and it's so quiet that I don't know what to do with myself. Hence the pondering a haircut. But do I go to the chain place that's close, cheap and just kinda OK or the Paul Mitchell training salon which is farther, about as cheap and awesomer? Or do I just stay home and watch Netflix all day? See, decisions! I suck at them.

Maybe I'll just rewatch all of the eps. of American Horror Story so far and make something for lunch with lots of cheese in it. That's always an option.



Ask me anything, I will answer.


Last night, for the first time ever, I had a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. When I did finally get the dream to dissolve I was interested to discover I had a full-on case of sleep paralysis. I'd never had it before but I know enough about it to recognize it, so instead of panicking I was able to realize, "Oh, this is sleep paralysis and if I just wait a few seconds it will be gone," and sure enough that's about how it played out.

Despite the dream being not that scary (at least, once I was awake) and recognizing the sleep paralysis right away, I still spent the hour between 3-4am laying in bed trying to get my heart to stop pounding and mildly terrified that there was someone else in the house. Not my favorite way to spend the night before an important day, really.

Still, I had always kind of hoped my first nightmare/sleep paralysis combo would be ... scarier?

Oct. 15th, 2011

I love it when a plan comes together.

I also love it when people take matters into their own hands and come up with solutions.

I love it double when this means I get something that makes me happy and means a lot to me.

Aaaaaand in other happy news I'm taking my parents to their first Union soccer game today. It promises to be exciting! :D
I want to talk about someone making a decision that upset me and the boundaries between them being allowed to have their own autonomy and make their own decisions with support and without judgement and me feeling disappointed and upset and as though they as making a huge mistake.

The closest I can come is to figure that I can feel however I want to feel as long as I don't voice my (unasked) opinion and impose my judgement. And if I need to I am allowed to put some distance between myself and this person because while she is entitled to her autonomy I am also entitled to remove myself from situations that I perceive to be emotionally damaging and/or traumatic to me.

This fucking sucks because I always considered myself to be so open and accepting with regards to other people's life choices, but sometimes people make choices I just cannot force myself to accept or agree with. So pretty much the only thing I can do is distance myself right now to give both of us space to work with and live with our emotions... right?

To force myself to accept (or act like I accept) a decision that causes me pain and distress is just as disingenuous as chastising and judging her for a decision that is hers alone to make. I think.

Mostly I feel guilty because I cannot offer unconditional support.

I hope these vagaries make sense to someone else, because I feel very nonsensical right now.
Some days, some moments, I still mourn my lost dream of being a rock star. I seem much more suited to that than health care.

Alas. Even though I don't feel much like a grownup I need to make grownup decisions.

Some days I just feel like I'm making the best of a terrible mixup.

The Morning After Irene

...is pretty uneventful. Still have power. Made eggs. No branches down (but a lot of leaves).

Kind of an anti-climactic storm. Some flooding in the lower-lying areas but nothing up here on our little hill. A little seepage and a small trickle of water across the basement floor. No major power loss -- just a few brownouts.

Thanks to all the emergency responders -- Fire, Police and EMS as well as to power crews, local government workers and the local media/weather guys who live-blogged all night (and are still going!).


Hurricane Irene

So it's hurricane day here in PA.

Let me just say we are the most disorganized disaster-prep team ever. All three of us (mom, dad, and I) have been out once today to pick up things the others forgot. It's actually kind of comical. We have no backup plan for losing power and therefore the sump pump. We're filling the bathtub with water so we can flush toilets. See, we have a water pump, so if the power goes the water goes. We've found some radios that work on batteries but we don't have any of those.


I have a full tank of gas and a power inverter in my car so at least we can charge cell phones and the like. So I guess this is it. I'll let you know how it goes and if/when we have a new indoor in-ground pool. :p



Free Google+ invites for anyone who wants one: http://bit.ly/oFvnzu I have 150. Help yourself.

This post brought to you by: I'm sick of studying for this test and I think I'm going to die of headcold.

Post? Content? What?!

Yesterday I tried to do that NPR 100 Best(?) Sci-Fi books meme and Dreamwidth obligingly ate my post, and then posted [personal profile] rhivolution's answers instead of mine. Since I don't feel like spending an hour+ to recreate my witty and incredibly intelligent and insightful post (ha!), I want to instead write briefly about something I love.

It's August in Pennsylvania, and to me that means only one thing: It's sweet corn season. Now, to be fair, thanks to the efforts of Florida and later Lancaster county, we've been eating fresh sweet corn since May or June. But starting in July and August the really good local sweet corn starts to come in. We have two local dairy farms around here who plant people corn in addition to their cattle feed corn. There are also lots of little mom-and-pop stands that still sell on the roadside honor system as well as some large farms that ship their sweet corn to the local places around here for sale.

Sweet corn season for me is the height of summer. You bring your prize home from the local farm store -- silver queen or mixed, it's a personal preference, really. You sit outside to shuck it, fighting gnats, mosquitos and bees who tend to swarm you while you're engaged in this activity. For those of you who've never shucked an ear of corn, it's an art form. Not only do you have to peel off the rough green husk (which gets progressively softer and moister as you get further through the layers) you also need to strip off the fine but tenacious corn silk. It wedges itself between the kernels and it takes skilled and patient hands to strip it off.

Once you get your corn shucked, you boil it. How long you boil the ears is a matter of personal taste, though we prefer ours to be tender but still crisp.

How you dress your corn is also a matter of much contention. I prefer to slather on butter and salt and savor the sweetness of the corn with the savory butter and salt. It's not really an ear of corn until the butter is dripping off your chin and elbows, IMO.

In corn season we tend to eat sweet corn as our vegetable 3-4 nights a week. It sounds excessive but to me sweet corn -- REAL sweet corn -- is one of the last few truly seasonal foods. Our modern food supply chain can keep us in apples and oranges and avocados year round. I challenge you to find sweet corn in December. As a Thanksgiving and Christmas treat, we always cook some extra ears of corn in the summer. We cut off the kernels of these extra ears and freeze them. This sweet corn off-the-cob becomes a treasured side-dish of family meals throughout the winter.

One of my fondest family memories centers around sweet corn. When I was little, my great grandfather had an acre or two of land not far from here. He would pay the farmer to seed it with sweet corn each season. Then, every August or so, he, my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my mother, my aunt and anyone else in the family who was able would drive up to the patch. Mom-mom and Pop-pop would dole out bushel baskets to all of us, and we'd go up and down the rows picking the ears that were ready, hauling out bushel baskets out to the cars and dumping the ears into the trunks. This is how I learned that the leaves of corn stalks are razor sharp. Once we'de denuded the field of all the ripe ears, we'd drive back to my grandmother's house. Somehow more people would always show up and we'd pull all the lawn furniture in a ring and shuck the majority of the corn. Dodging bees was compulsory. Then the party would move inside for the boiling, icing, cutting and bagging process which is just what it sounds like. The ears were boiled until done then dumped in ice water to cool. Then the kernels were cut off and bagged into quart bags and frozen. At the end of the day each participant got an allotment of fresh ears and frozen bags of corn to take home. I remember our basement freezer having an entire shelf of nothing but bags of fresh frozen sweet corn.

Mom-mom, Pop-pop, the great aunts and the patch are long gone. But every time I roll an ear of corn in butter, salt it all around and take a bit of sweet summer I remember all those times and more.

Crossposted from http://pomegranate.dreamwidth.org/1597.html. Replies allwhere.
I feel like it's high time for one of these.  HOWEVER, they only work well if LOTS OF PEOPLE make an anon confession (or two or 3).  They don't have to be earth-shattering or achingly private, just something that you don't tell other people (e.g. "I pretend not to like cheese but in secret I can eat a whole block of cheddar by myself!"*).  

Anonymous commenting is ON (you will still have to prove you are human though, just to keep the spammers at bay).
IP logging is OFF.

*This is NOT TRUE of me, by the way -- I am an unashamed cheese eater.

Letters to Self: Chastisment Edition

 Dear Self:

Why do you not write any more?  Why do you not even try?  Why do you let the ideas roll through your head and back out again?  What are you afraid of?  How much more "research" do you need to do?  You do realize that's become your excuse, right?  You will never know everything you want or need to know and that's ok.  Because ultimately this is fiction and you won't please everyone anyway.

Could you please, for once in your life, make an effort?

Still love you though, you dork.



On Waking Up...

 A strange thought:  I've spent a lot of time learning, "This is who I am," and teaching myself how to be OK with that and not try and make excuses for myself and be proud.  This morning the answering thought was, "But this is not who I was supposed to be."

I don't even think I want to try and reconcile those two things.  It might undo all the work I've done.  

But... but... but...  *sigh*


Philly TNG » Blog Archive » A Call for Help

I usually don't do this sort of thing, but sometimes even my heart of stone manages to beat a few times.

The short story is that my friends rescued a very sweet stray who had been dumped by his owners. He's incredibly friendly and handsome, but he's also sick and needs some basic vet care. By clicking on that link up there you can read the whole story, see a picture of this adorable guy and donate a few bucks towards his vet care.

He's currently living in quarantine in their basement, but he really needs to be out socializing with people because he absolutely loves attention. Please help if you can?


Fun Jess Fact #342

I have never, in my life, finished a chapstick, lip balm, lip gloss or lipstick. I either lose them, I get tired of them, or they become disgusting from living in my purse/pocket/backpack/car and I throw them out.

Photographic Proof:

(Not pictured: the lipsticks from my makeup bag that I can't be bothered to dig out. There are about 8, anywhere from a year to six years old.)

I KNOW this about myself, so I never buy chapstick. So, the mystery is... where did they all COME FROM?!


Jun. 17th, 2011

I was just going through my planner from the last academic year. I desperately need to get a new one but so far I haven't found one I've liked.

It's so strange to me to look back at August of last year when I had never had a clinical or a nursing course. I was so nervous about interviewing people and doing my childhood assessments and all these other things. And now I'm responsible for two patients on my own each med/surg clinical. I'm hanging out in the forensic ward of a state hospital one day a week and I love it. I can turn out a journal or a paper in a few hours and feel confident that I've met requirements and I know what I'm talking about.

I haven't even been in the program a full twelve months yet and I already feel like I've come so far.

The fear of being unable to find a job still looms large in my head. The nursing shortage isn't all it's cracked up to be. But I'm discovering how much I love mental health (where thankfully, the job prospects are a little brighter) and I'm still anxious to learn all I can, including pursuing a Bachelors and advanced certifications, once I have a job that pays my bills.

I can't believe that I'll be done in December and prepping for the NCLEX and on the hunt for a job. As slow as everything seemed this past spring (I feel like I was in Nur 112 for about a year and a half) 211 seems to be flying by. Maybe it's because I like it more. I don't know.

In the end it's just funny to me because this time last year I was terrified of finding an apical heart rate and doing a bed bath. Now those things are just part of my day.


I passed my nursing final with an 80%, giving me an 85% in the course. Meaning I get to move on to Nursing 211, which starts... on Wednesday. >< So no, no summer break for me. I also finished and handed in my Shakespeare final yesterday. Good riddance to THAT.

You would THINK I could take off these scant few days and really relax, but no. I already have my first assignment for 211 and it's due the first day of class. On material that (obviously) we haven't been taught yet. So I have to teach myself the material, do the homework and then go sit through the lecture. My annoyance level, it is very high. I'm trying to motivate myself to take all my materials outside and study on the deck, but so far all I've accomplished is being grumpy.

The temptation to just say "Screw This" and finish my seminar homework during my three hours break on Thursday is LARGE. And regardless, I'm taking the day off tomorrow to go shopping and hang out with Jeff and Justin. Aaaaaand also on the plus side I still only have class/clinical 3 days a week (T/W/R) and some nice 4 day weekends and NO OTHER CLASSES to impose on my time. So, that's rather lovely.

Ok. I am finding real clothing (because the neighbors really don't want to see my lounging in my PJs), harnessing up the cat, hauling my stuff outside and tying the cat on the washline. She can explore/wear herself out and even if I DON'T get any work done at least I can get some fresh air and vitamin D.

Thanks to everyone who dropped by on my last FO post to offer words of support. Even "I'm listening" means a lot to me right now. <3

Every day I wake up and remind myself it's never too late to quit school, go back to temping and go back to work on my writing.

Rarely do I actually want to quit. Really I just need to constantly remind myself that I'm not trapped.


I have just discovered the community adayinmylife. I am so hooked.

This is going to sound stupid, but sometimes I can't fathom how many people are in the world, and they all have lives that are so different from mine.


A friend who I took my nursing pre-reqs with just graduated with her BSN from Drexel's 11 month ACE program. I'm sitting home on a Friday night surrounded by paperwork and still only halfway to my ASN.

I don't regret my choice to stick with Montco's ASN program because I feel like I'm getting good experience and I'm really learning and understanding what I'm doing. I have absolute faith in my ability to finish this program.

...but that doesn't mean that I don't feel a little melancholy about what could have been. I could be DONE, studying for my NCLEX and have a bachelor's instead of half an ASN. Though more than likely I probably would have washed out months ago, would be $40,000 in debt and in need of a plan C.


I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Or like I'm moving in slow motion.


DOOP Season Has Officially Started.

Philadelphia Union opened the season 3 weeks ago winning 1-0 over Houston Dynamo on the road. A week later they won 1-0 over the Vancouver Whitecaps at home, in PPL Park in scenic (HA!) Chester, PA. Last night they lost 0-1 to the LA Galaxy, with Beckham being as smug of a twat as ever (WHYYYYYY did I ever like him?). Our defense help up admirably but our offense still has as much cohesion as the soup they serve at school lunches.. Yeah, it's there and you can tell what it's supposed to be but none of the ingredients really work together and it could really use some serious doctoring.

Next week brings us home again against the New Jersey Pink Cows, where I expect many insults and possibly some beers will be thrown. I wonder if security will be on the roof again?

This is how you DOOP:

This is what it looks like when you DOOP:

(Union Win 2-1 over NJ Pink Cows, 10/16/10

(Union Win 1-0 over Vancouver Whitecaps 03/26/11

And Now...


I tried very hard not to fall in love. But I have -- with Gabriel Faure's Requiem Mass.

et lux perpetua

Also, wish me luck in auditions next week. I know I will not get the Pie Jesu solo, but I can hope to a) impress and b) not embarrass myself during auditions.


Mar. 18th, 2011

So I'm pretty sure she hates my guts and I haven't heard from her for over a year, but does anyone know if greyladybast is OK? I know she was really struggling and I haven't been able to find any information on how she's doing. I'm worried about her. :\

From Plurk

Here, have a huge, though awesome, picture.

The History of Sci-FiCollapse )


Straw Poll Escapism

My test was a nightmare and my clinical instructor is a raging bitch. So the beginning of my week has been kind of crap.

So in the interest of escapism, have a poll that offers both escapism and creativity.

A new program is searching for volunteers to colonize a new planet halfway across the galaxy. The method of transport there is considered to be as safe as air travel. The planet is earth-like in that life is carbon-based and the atmosphere has enough oxygen to comfortably support human life, as well as offering readily available sources of water.

Your transport there is one way only, however there is hope that the ability to offer colonists a return trip to Earth will exist eventually -- that is, in time to return you to Earth if you hate it on this new planet, but not before the time difference will have you outliving a generation or two.

The US is not the only country sending colony ships to this new planet, and no one country has jurisdiction, though the likelihood that you will encounter colonists from another Earth country is limited at best, at least initially.

Communication back to Earth is limited but not out-of-reach for the average colonist.

So, all these things considered, would you go? What things would you look forward to? What things would make you nervous or outright terrified? Tell me a little bit about what you expect your experience would be like. Just ramble, if you'd like. I'm interested in whatever you have to say.

Musically Speaking...

Dear Faure:

I am not sure how I feel about you and your Requiem, but I think we might be able to work something out. Once director-man decides on a tempo and once we all decide to follow it I think it will work out amicably.

You cannot make me like your Pavane. Not only did I not get selected to dance (the fat girls never get to dance, I know, it's cool) but it's in French. I hate French. And director-man wants to make it a "multi-media experience". I'm sorry, but this will not end well for us, Pavane. I wish we could break up now and get it over with, but alas we are stuck with each other until April. How's this? I promise not to beat the altos to death if you promise not to be too French, ok?




autumn music
Victoria Maeve

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